I gave up my sparkle

Love. I thought I was in love and loved by another. That I was the woman he’d been missing his whole life and that only he could see the real me.

Destiny. We thought destiny had brought us together and we would create something beautiful together. I thought all the sparkle I had inside would shine brighter beside him.

Little did I know that all the dreams I shared with him were echoed back in perfect alignment but what lay behind the smoke screen was broken, ugly, insecure and insincere.

I cannot 100% say he was a narcissist but the story played out the same. I lost myself. I entered a power struggle. I saw a darker side to him behind his perfect mask. I was won over by what I thought was pure, good for me and a connection I shared with no other.

He would say all the right things.

“You’re figure is exactly what I dreamed of, I dislike stick thin.”

“I find it so attractive that you study communication.”

“I love your bubbly personality and your singing, I wanted a wife just like that.”

“I love how close you are to your family, I never had that with mine.”

“I knew the moment I saw you that I had to get clean, stop drinking and smoking. “

“Let me tell you all about my past, my pain because if you stay then we are meant to be. I want to be honest with you always.”

“I’ll work and support us, you won’t have to do anything but decorate our place exactly as you like.”

And many more perfectly orchestrated sentences like that were ushered until I felt that this man was my other half. I was the missing rib.

I had only ever wanted a man who loved every little bit about me. He must have seen through this and slowly as our relationship progressed, he took over.

His supreme jealousy was showcased one night at a family party. An attractive and musical bloke started talking to me about singing. My boyfriend hovered over and stood there. It slipped my mind to introduce him. He looked at me, hurt crossing his face. He said his goodbyes to everyone but me and stormed off to his car. I began chasing him, wanting to know what was wrong. He ignored me and sped off. I began to cry, unsure as to why he had left me like that. This was the first moment of control. My mindset needed to shift in order to keep him in my life. I had to avoid talking innocently with other men for fear of hurting my boyfriend. Red flag no. 1!